My mom dates jerks Auntie. What can I do?

My mom dates jerks Auntie. The latest one - I know he lies about lots of things, but for some reason my mom doesn't see it! What can I do?

As my Grandma Dolly used to say “Life is too short to date jerks! Don’t just listen to what the person says, pay attention to how they act.” Grandma rocked. But Alyssa, it seems like you get this. It’s your mom who struggles.

You might want to consider having a heart-to-heart with her. So you can stay calm, cool, and kind when talking with your mom, it would probably be helpful to think about what you’d like to say first.

First step - come up with a list of three or so main reasons you think you mom’s boyfriend is not worthy of her (he lies, etc.). Then write down a couple of points about how your mom dating her boyfriend impacts you. For example, does it make you feel uncomfortable when she brings him to the house? Does it make you worry about her? Also write down what you hope will happen after your conversation. Thinking about these things ahead of time - and maybe writing them down - will help you during your heart-to-heart.

Be gentle when you actually talk to your mom, Alyssa, but try to be honest and express your true feelings to her. Remember your mom’s not perfect, and she might not react the way you want her to. Sometimes people date others for lots of complicated reasons. Like some people date jerks, because they don’t feel good enough about themselves to date kind people who respect them. Also some people are just really bad at spotting the warning signs of a bad boyfriend/girlfriend.

If this doesn’t work, reach out to someone you trust - like a family member, an older friend, or someone like a teacher, coach, nurse, or school counselor. Hopefully they will help you figure out a way to deal.

Good luck Alyssa!
Auntie