There’s this girl that I’ve been best friends for the past three and a half years. We recently had this huge blowout, what should I do?
Hey Cheyenne! Thanks for writing in.
When I read your question, I feel like you already know what to do…get your friend back! So, I’m just going to provide you with a little encouragement.:)
•Can’t We All Just get Along? At some point in every relationship, there will be disagreements; this is just a part of life. Just becauseyou fight, or disagree with someone doesn’t mean you stop the relationship all together. In fact, the opposite it true. When you work through these disagreementsmaturely, you’re relationships will usually become stronger and healthier.
• Think About it. take some time to think about what the real argument was about. This is an important skill to have in life. It’spretty common for people to think it’s always about them, but maybe it’s not.
•Give the Benefit of the Doubt. Sometimes a fight can be about something other than what you first thought. Maybe your friend was justhaving a bad day. There could have been something going on at home, or at school. Or maybe you or your friend were just not in a very good mood at thatparticular moment. Take some time to think about these things so that you can be better prepared in the future. Do you guys seem to always get in fightsduring certain times of the day, or month? It could just be a case of being hungry, tired, or after a certain stressful event.
•What role did you play? It takes two people to have an argument. Think about the ways that you contributed to the fight.Think about the ways you have contributed to every other fight you have ever had in your life. See any patterns?
•What are you Scared of? Think about what you are really scared of if you text your friend “you’re sorry”? When people talk about thedisagreements they’ve had with others, what most people are scared of is being vulnerable, putting your heart on the line, and then having the other personreject you. This may sound corny, but this is how you grow. This is how relationships get stronger.
•Back to the Way We Were…But Better! Is there anything about your relationship you would like to be different if you became friendsagain?
•Time to talk it through. Ask your friend to meet you in a neutral public place so you can talk. Think coffee in the park. You can startby telling your friend what role you think you had in the fight. Knowing that you have thought about it and are willing to admit you were part of the problemwill hopefully help her to think about her role in the situation as well. However, don’t be disappointed if she doesn’t fess up. Let her know you careabout her and want to stay friends. If there are some things you would like to work on in the future, now is a good time to bring them up.
Cheyenne, good friends are worth hanging on to. I’m wishing you the best of luck, as you and your friend try to work things through.