Dear Auntie, I’m still a virgin but my boyfriend isn’t. We’ve been together for a long time and I think I’m ready, but I’m scared. What do I do? Will it hurt? How do I prepare myself?

Hey there, I’m so glad you wrote in.

It’s normal to feel excited or anxious when thinking about having sex for the first time. Just remember that there’s no right or wrong time to start having sex – it varies for each person.

A good first step is to talk about it with your boyfriend. It’s really important that you feel like you’re able to talk to him about how you feel and any worries you have about having sex and using contraception. You can also talk it through with someone you trust, like a close friend, older sibling, or doctor.

If you don’t feel comfortable and ready, you have the right to say ‘no’ to anything at anytime. The choice is yours each and every time.  You get to decide when you are ready.

It’s also important that you engage in safe sex. This means making sure you don’t risk becoming pregnant unless you want to, or catching a sexually transmitted disease (STD) like HIV/AIDS, herpes, chlamydia or gonorrhea. It’s a good idea to find out about safe sex, how different STDs are passed on and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Using condoms with water-based lubricants and dental dams are one way to protect yourself from some STDs. Learn more about the STD testing process.

For some people, the first time can be pleasurable, comfortable and fun. For others, first-time sex does feel uncomfortable—it could even hurt. If it’s hurting, stop and talk to your partner. Try some more lubrication or a different position, or ask your partner to go slowly. If it’s still hurting, stop. Sex shouldn’t be painful.

After you have sex, especially if it’s your first time, you might experience a whole lot of emotional stuff – some good and some confusing. For example, you might feel worried or guilty, or sex could enhance your feelings of affection for your partner. If you’re having trouble dealing with these issues yourself, you might want to talk with your boyfriend, or with other people you can trust, like friends, family members or a counselor or other mental health professional.

I hope that this helps and thanks for writing in

Cousin Lael

Find Us

Follow Us

Enter Phone Number to Subscribe:

Msg & Data Rates May Apply.
Text STOP to opt out. No purchase necessary.
Expect 4 msgs/mo.Terms and Conditions