ASK YOUR RELATIVE QUESTIONS

How do I know if I’m in a bad relationship?

How do i know if I’m in a bad relationship? My boyfriend doesn’t trust me even though i have done nothing wrong. I’m worried if we break up he might hurt himself.

Dear Relationship Drama,

Thank you seeking out advice on this one. When I read your question, there are several red flags that stick out to me.

For starters, if you are asking yourself if you are in a bad relationship, intuitively I think you know something is wrong. To begin with, let’s talk about what a good relationship is and then it is up to you to decide how your relationship stacks up. Every relationship, good or bad looks differently. However, there are some basic things that all good relationships should have:

Communicating Well. This means, you can talk openly about problems without shouting or yelling. You listen to one another and are willing to compromise.

Respectful of one another. Culture, beliefs, opinions and boundaries are valued. You treat each other in a way that demonstrates the high esteem you hold for one another.

Trusting. You both trust each other, and the trust has been earned.

Honest. You are both honest with each other but can still choose to keep certain things private.

Equal. You make decisions together and you hold each other to the same standards.

Have personal space. You both enjoy spending time apart and respect when the other person needs space.

For the second part of your question: My boyfriend doesn’t trust me even though i have done nothing wrong. I’m worried if we break up he might hurt himself. The fact that your boyfriend doesn’t want you to have guy friends is a big old red flag, one (potential) abusers use to isolate the victim. And, threatening to hurt himself if you break up is plain ol’ manipulation and can be a form of violence. This is when it’s time to get someone else involved.

Because your boyfriend might hurt himself, its time talk to a trusted adult…find a counselor, teacher, parent…somebody you think can help you navigate through the situation safely. Another good resource is: The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TRY 1-800-787-3224. You can call and chat with someone and they have a teen section on their website www.thehotline.org 

Relationship Drama, thank you for writing in, and please check out the resources I just gave you and find an adult who can help.

Love, Auntie

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