ASK YOUR RELATIVE QUESTIONS

Is it bad being trans and gay! I’m so scared to tell my mom I’m trans! Will she hate ME if i do.

For starters, I’m sending you a big virtual hug! Props to you for reaching out and taking an important first step to your person voyage of self-discovery: coming out.

It can be scary and hard to come out, especially when you probably have so many other things to think about. In spite of the challenges, your sexuality is a natural and healthy part of who you are, something that can bring you happiness and pride.

Question to Ask Yourself

Because it sounds like you’re a minor and likely living with your parents, I want you to think about a couple things before coming out to certain people:

  • Is your safety a concern?
  • Would your housing come into question?

If you answered ‘yes’ to either question, then maybe think about holding off telling those certain people, especially while you’re not able to financially take care of yourself.

How to Come Out

Now…onto the HOW you’re going to come out. And, I do hate to say this…but there’s no perfect way to do this. I wish there was. Everyone who has come out will have their own unique story, but there are some things to think about that might help you decide when, where, and who you’re going to start with.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to yell from the rooftops that you’re gay…think of it as a journey, rather than like ripping off a Band-Aid.

The Plan

  • Get Connected – having other folks with whom you can share experiences could help you overcome your fears about coming out and living out in the open. Once you get to college check out the 2SLGBTQ scene. Getting online is another great place to get support. Check out The Trevor Project The Coming Out Handbook.
  • Find an Ally – Know someone who might back you up? Then, they might be a good place to find solace and support, especially if there is someone in your life that might have a hard time with your being gay. Whether you choose to come out to your family now, or later, this person is vital to have on your side now. They can also help you with deciding whether or not to come out before graduation.
  • Pick a location – once you’ve reached out the 2SLGBTQ community and you’re feeling more confident, pick who you want to come out to first then think of a neutral place to have a conversation. Some place public, but not too crowded. Think coffee in the park.
  • Feel it Out – Sometimes it can be hard to gauge exactly how someone feels about 2SLGBTQ issues, so you might want to feel them out first. You could say something like, “So what do you think about gay marriage?”.

Keep in mind that there is a warm welcoming and supportive community out there for you. If times get tough, reach out.

For more inspiration, check out:

  • Paths (Re)membered – a Two-Spirit and LGBTQ+ community
  • It Gets Better Project – a movement to provide inspiration to young LGBTQ people (like you!)
  • The Trevor Project Get help– is a great resource to support you. TrevorChat is confidential online instant messaging with a Trevor Counselor, available 24/7. (text START to 678 678 to text with a Trevor Counselor)
  • PFLAG– PFLAG is the first and largest organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) people, their parents and families, and allies. This might be a great resource if your parents need a little support
  • Text LGBTQ2S to 94449 to get messages that support your Native 2SLGBTQ identity #BornSacred

Big hugs to you. I’ll be thinking about you and sending you good thoughts. I’m proud of you for taking this step to living a more authentic life… your own.

Uncle Paige

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