Hey there, thanks for writing in. This is a tricky situation and I’m glad you’re reaching out for help.
When it comes to setting up boundaries with the people you love, especially those who are working hard to keep things the way they are, it can be reallydifficult and guilt driven…things can get complicated pretty quickly. So try to keep things simple.
Let’s break this down to its simplest form:
1. You care for this person
2. You know the way the relationship currently stands is not good for you
3. You know things need to change
So what do you do? Here are some things to help you think about what you want to do:
Are you worth it? No doubt. In case you need to hear this from another person, you are absolutely worth being in a relationship thatshows you respect, makes you feel secure and comfortable, encourages you to be a better person, and helps you to love yourself more. Ask yourself if thishappening in your relationship?
What do you want? You need to be clear with yourself and your boyfriend. If you want the relationship to be over, you need to let himknow and not just ‘give up’ having him guess as to whether or not you are still in a relationship. That’s not fair for either one of you. He could havetaken this as a sign that he just needs to show you he’s there for you, which he did. So, now it’s your turn to take the time to decide if this is a relationshipthat you want to work on, or if it has gotten to the point where you need to call it quits.
Trust your gut. As you are considering what you want to see happen with this relationship, remember to always listen to your instincts.The more you ignore this in life, the less reliable it will become, so don’t get in this bad habit.
Boundaries. Just like trusting your gut, you have to practice creating boundaries with every person in your life, especially while you’reyoung. If you’re being mistreated and you know in your gut it’s an unhealthy relationship, say ‘adios’. You don’t need to go back and forth deciding whatyou should do, and there’ no need to feel guilty about taking care of yourself.
Be kind. Just because you know its time to break off a relationship, it doesn’t mean you can’t do it in a way that is kind to the personyou have cared so much about. Let them know you will always care about them, but it’s just not working and it’s time to end your relationship. Keep itshort and sweet. Remember you are a person of worth and integrity.
Get support. breaking up is hard to do, so make sure to surround yourself with people who love you and who you can talk if you need to.
I’ll be thinking about you and sending you good thoughts! Good luck to you and I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself.