ASK YOUR RELATIVE QUESTIONS

Tags: 10 - Mental Health, 2 - Identity, 3 - Intolerance, 5 - Spirituality, 6 - 2SLGBTQ, Family, LGBT - Two Spirit, Life Transitions, My Culture

Dear Auntie Manda, I have recently started to seriously try to reconnect with my Choctaw culture. My Great-great Grandpa, was an enrolled member of Choctaw Nation. He was orphaned as a child and enrolled in 1903, signing the Dawes Roll and moving to Oklahoma. For some reason, his children we not enrolled, which meant neither was my Nana or my father. My mom is full white and my dad is mixed, which makes me look very ambiguous to people because of my lighter skin and freckles. I’m afraid of overstepping by reconnecting since I’ve been socialized as a white person. I’ve started learning Choctaw and Tribal history, but I’m afraid to openly claim my heritage as a part of my identity for fear of backlash, not just from people who don’t know me, but from people that do. A few times, I’ve had friends and even family ask me, “Why is this so important to you? Why now?” I can’t put it into words, but I’ve always felt so lost and have had no cultural connection to anything growing up. I don’t want to feel disconnected anymore. Also, another thing that complicates my existence is the fact that I’m transgender. Perhaps, this is another reason why I feel lost. Not only do I want to feel like a whole woman, I want to feel like a whole person. Anyway, do you have any advice?

Hi there, Halito relative! Yakoke for writing in – I always get a lil extra excited when I see other Choctaws reach out 🙂 Let’s see where I can support you! I definitely want to acknowledge what youv’e written, because there’s so much there – goodness. I want to give my heart out to you because I am so sorry…

How do I cope with Abusive/Homophobic parents?

Thank you for writing in. I am so sorry that you are having this experience and glad that you are seeking support. No one should live in fear because of who they are, or be forced to cope with an abusive situation. If your parents are reacting negatively to your sexual orientation, remember that you are valuable despite what anyone…

How do I cope with Abusive/Homophobic parents?

Thank you for writing in. I am so sorry that you are having this experience and glad that you are seeking support. No one should live in fear because of who they are, or be forced to cope with an abusive situation. If your parents are reacting negatively to your sexual orientation, remember that you are valuable despite what anyone…

I’m a 19 year old Two-Spirit who identifies as male. For me to feel comfortable I cut my hair because growing up even on my Rez girls had long hair and unless you have “Native hair” boys have short hair. I want to grow my hair but I don’t want my tribes people to start calling me female names/pronouns. Any tips?

Greetings! First off, congratulations on reaching such clarity in your gender identity. It can take people years, well into adulthood, to understand our genders given how little gender diversity we tend to be taught about at a young age. For me, I have found that the way people perceive my gender, and the genders of those around me, to be…

Hi, My question is what is a good age to come out to your parents?

For starters, I’m sending you a big virtual hug! Props to you for reaching out and taking an important first step to your person voyage of self-discovery: coming out. It can be scary and hard to come out, especially when you probably have so many other things to think about. In spite of the challenges, your sexuality is a natural…

Dear Auntie, I heard someone say that rez water can turn you gay. Is that true?

Hey there! Thanks for writing in. If you’ve heard someone say that tainted water can “turn you gay”, or maybe you heard about frogs that switch sexes. But we’re not frogs and water won’t change your sexuality. Nothing can make you turn gay and nothing will turn you straight. You simply are. Sexuality is a spectrum and wherever you land…

My momma is really homophobic, and I asked her once what she would do if I came out to her. She said she would kick me out and disown me. My dad is pretty homophobic too, and I’m really scared of the finding out on accident that I’m bisexual. Can you help me think of a plan if they do find out?

Before we talk about a plan, I want to send you a big virtual hug. I’m so sorry about hearing how your parents might react. This is such inexcusable and incredibly hurtful behavior coming from people who are supposed to have your back. Just know there are a lot of others who accept you and love you for who you…

Hey Auntie, how can I come out to my homophobic dad?

Dear Relative, This is a powerful question. My greatest priority is your safety. You are under no obligation to disclose anything about yourself to anyone. If you are wanting to do so, though, which it sounds like you are, develop a safety plan first. Some things to consider in the safety plan might be: If you want to tell him in…
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