Articles

Protect Your Peace from Toxic Relationships

What does it mean to protect your peace?

Protecting your peace means caring for and safeguarding your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self – in ways that you define for yourself. Protecting your peace is a personal journey, where ultimately you make the decisions and set boundaries for yourself that you determine to be in your own best interests.

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is a way to create a peaceful life. Our boundaries are a way we honor our own needs, goals, feelings, and values. Think of boundaries as guidelines to live by that only you can define. As we grow and change, our boundaries will too. Boundaries are meant to keep us safe and feel respected.

Boundaries are based on your relationship with yourself, so only you can set your boundaries. There are many different types of boundaries, like emotional, physical, spiritual, financial or digital. Some examples of boundaries can be:

  • I’m ok with listening to you telling me how you’re feeling, but I don’t want to talk about my feelings right now.
  • I’m ok with having sex, but I want to use a condom and a dental dam.
  • I need to go to church every week, and I won’t skip a week if I can’t help it.
  • I’m ok with giving you $5 this time, but I won’t give you an extra $20.
  • We can follow each other on social media, but I won’t give anybody my login information.

Don’t know what your boundaries are? Practice setting them and adjusting them when needed. Think about what you are ok with and what you are not.

Respecting boundaries

Every person has the right to change their own boundaries at any time. This includes yourself, your parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins and even your romantic or sexual partner(s). Boundaries play a very big part in creating healthy relationships with ourselves and others. Healthy boundaries let you be YOU and allow each person to protect their own peace.

Overstepping Boundaries

Sometimes, people will overstep your personal boundaries intentionally or even try to change your boundaries. This might indicate a toxic relationship – when someone is trying to control or hurt you.

Below are the same boundaries shared before. See what overstepping these boundaries might look like:

  • I’m ok with listening to you telling me how you’re feeling, but I don’t want to talk about my feelings right now.
    • Overstepping: “I told you how I feel, you must be feeling the same way.”
  • I’m ok with having sex, but I want to use a condom and a dental dam.
    • Overstepping: “You don’t actually think we should use a condom, do you? I don’t think you mean that.”
  • I need to go to church every week, I won’t skip a week if I can’t help it.
    • Overstepping: “I don’t want you to go to church, because I’ll miss you. Skip for me.”
  • I’m ok with giving you $5 this time, but I won’t give you an extra $20.
    • Overstepping: “He gave me $20, so you need to give me $20 too.”
  • We can follow each other on social media, but I won’t give anybody my login information.
    • Overstepping: “You might be cheating on me, give me your login information, so I can check your social media.”

What Can You Do if Someone Oversteps Your Boundaries?

When someone oversteps your boundaries, it’s ok to tell that person what they are doing and tell them to stop. If you feel safe enough and that person is important to you, you can show them how to respect your personal boundary.

Keep in mind though that some people will refuse to respect your boundaries. In this case, it is your responsibility to protect your peace. Not everyone is meant to walk with us on our life journey. You deserve to surround yourself with loving people who respect your needs, goals, feelings, and values. Remember, you are the expert of your own experience, and only you have the power to create or change your personal boundaries. Trust in yourself!

When to Reach Out

Relationships can be challenging to navigate sometimes, especially a potentially toxic relationship where a friend, family member, or someone else is trying to control or hurt you.

If you think you might have toxic behaviors or that you are in a toxic or abusive relationship, consider talking with a trusted adult. Talking to a trusted adult- such as a counselor, uncle, auntie, or teacher- can give you the opportunity to learn healthier relationship skills, so you can live in a way that aligns with your values.

Are you or a friend feeling unsafe in a relationship? If so, consider checking out the resources below on getting help.

This page was informed by information from loveisrespect.org

Additional Resources

Getting Help

  • Alaska 211 – Call 211 or visit the website here for help finding resources in your community.
  • Alaska’s Careline – 24/7 crisis line. Available by:
    • Calling 1-877-266-4357 (HELP)
    • Texting ‘HELP’ at 839863; from 3pm – 11pm Tues-Saturday AKST
    • App is available for download on Google Play/App Store
  • Crisistextline.org – by text
  • StrongHearts Native Helpline -1-844-7NATIVE (762-8483), you can connect anonymously with a Native advocate
  • Loveisrespect.org teen dating abuse helpline – by text, live chat, or by calling 866-331-9474
  • If you need advice from a trained counselor, consider texting the word “NATIVE” to 741741. You will be immediately connected with a crisis counselor. Don’t hesitate to reach out. All support and resources shared will remain confidential. Plus, there is no cost to you.

Does Size Really Matter?

As a teenager, we’re all consumed with similar worries. From wanting to...

Preparing for Your Driver’s Test

Getting your driver’s license is an exciting and life-changing experience! There is...

Anatomy: Assigned Sex at Birth (Male)

How to Help a Friend Who Drank Too Much

Being around a friend who drank too much can be scary, especially...

How to Face Your Bully When You Go Back to School

Going back to school after a break, whether summer or Christmas, can...

Seven Generations

Young American Indian men, especially in the Northern Plains, face a greater...

Establishing Healthy Boundaries with Family

Family relationships can be beautiful but tricky to navigate at times. Learning...

Ways to Help a Friend Who is Being Bullied

Bullying is never fun or funny, especially when it’s happening to a...

Anatomy: Assigned Sex at Birth (Female)

Stocking Your Pantry: A Guide to Pantry Necessities

Whether you’re new to cooking or just moved into your own place,...

Financial Aid – Getting Money for College

Going to college can be expensive, but financial aid and scholarships can...

Does Breast Size Really Matter?

What Does Disability Really Mean?

How Do You Define Disability? “Disability” can mean different things to different...

Heads Up: Sex Must Start with Consent

The idea of having sex can be both exciting and nerve-wracking! You...

I Strengthen My Nation: Sierra

The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), in partnership with We R...

How to Swap in Healthier Foods for Junk Food

With our busy schedules, from school to sports to work, it can...

How to Access Free or Low-Cost Birth Control

When it comes to birth control, there are many different options available...

I Strengthen My Nation: Caitlin

The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), in partnership with We R...

My Abortion Story

Acknowledgment: We R Native would like to thank the author for sharing...

Tips for Teens with Diabetes

Diabetes can happen to anyone at any age.   Type 1 diabetes (T1D)...

Sexual Orientation: A Spectrum Of Attraction

How to Stay Safe from COVID-19

Going to school in person can be super fun. You get to...

How to Protect Yourself from the Flu

The fall season is an exciting time! There are fun activities to...

Sex Assigned at Birth and Gender Identity: What Is The Difference?

What is Roe v. Wade?

You might have heard about Roe v. Wade being “overturned.” This article...

How To Prepare for Your First Date

First dates can be both exciting and nerve-racking, whether it’s your first...

Sexual Orientations Explained: Lesbian, Gay, Heterosexual and Bisexual

HPV Vaccine

Human papillomavirus (HPV) is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections...

Real Talk About Sexual Pleasure

Sexual pleasure comes from understanding how your body works and what feels...

Becoming Jane Doe

Alara, an Athabaskan and Tlingit transwoman, found her gender identity through drag....

Thinking About Having Sex

It’s important that you think through your decision to have sex with...

Wait what?! That’s what you do with lube?

A little-known fact is that lube can be a real game-changer when...

There’s Heart Here

Roller derby champion. Activist. Cyclist. Follow three indigenous members of the Two...

Sex 101

People define “sex” in different ways. The dictionary defines it as “sexually...

Oral Sex

Oral sex is using one’s mouth to stimulate a partner’s genitals. Just...

Saying Yes or No: What Is Consent?

Protecting Yourself During Oral Sex

It is possible to get HIV and other STDs during oral sex...

Protecting Yourself During Anal Sex

Anal sex involves inserting one partner’۪s penis into another partner’۪s anus. It...

Consent And Communication

Protecting Yourself During Vaginal Sex

Vaginal sex happens when a partner’s penis is inserted into another partner’s...

Withdrawal – Pulling Out

Withdrawal is when the man pulls his penis out of the vagina...

Consent Explained: What Is It?

The Real Story about Dental Dams

Giving and receiving oral sex can be fun and feel good. But...

Internal Condom Instructions

***Remember to always check the expiration date and package of any condom...

Top Signs Boys are in Puberty

How to Use an External (Male) Condom

If you choose to have sex, condoms can protect you and your...

Top 10 Sex Myths

MYTH #10: If I use birth control, I don’t need to worry...

Top Signs Girls are in Puberty

I Don’t Have Health Insurance – Now What?

There are plenty of reasons why you might not have health insurance....

Take Notes: How to Not Misgender Your New Friend Crush

Understanding Pronouns & Misgendering Misgendering is when you refer to someone using...

Taking Care of Your Body During Puberty

Tips for Saving

So, you’re thinking about getting that car you’ve been eyeing, or you...

How to Stay Safe When Traveling

Whether you’re going somewhere a couple of hours away or outside the...

Puberty: What Is Doctor Confidentiality?

History of the Sterilization of Native Women

It is no secret that the federal government has tried for centuries...

How to Use Ride Sharing Services Safely

Rideshare services, like Uber and Lyft, are good options when walking or...

Accessing Sexual Health Care for Minors

Getting a Career in STEM

The fields of science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (or STEM) are incredibly...

Condom Shopping Guide

Get the facts!

Bodies: Different Shapes and Sizes. All Beautiful!

How to Stay Connected with Old Friends

A major part of growing up is experiencing new things in life....

Opening a Bank Account

Are you starting your first job? Going to college soon? Or just...

Does Penis Size Really Matter?

Safer Chest Compression Brands

New to chest binding or been doing it for years? The retailers...

Chest Binding 101

Chest binding is a way to create a flatter chest using undergarments...

Menstruation: What To Expect

Healthy Habits for Chest Bindings

Whether you’re new to chest binding or have been doing it for...

Establishing Healthy Boundaries with Your Significant Other

Whether you’re at the start of a new relationship or in the...

Period Hygiene: Tampons, Pads and Menstrual Cups

Why Medical Racism = Genocide

Racism is real. It influences all aspects of our lives, including whose...

What I Love About My Indigenous Features

As an Indigenous adult, I want to do everything I can to...

How the Boner Grows

How to Study Effectively

When you think of studying, you might feel a sense of dread....

Best Studying Hacks

For many of us studying is on the top of our to-do...

All About Getting Your Period

Being a Strong Indigenous Leader

Indigenous leadership is a hot topic these days. The truth is that...

Our Stories Connect Us to Place and People

Indigenous people have always been some of the best storytellers, and recently...

Masturbation: Totally Normal

6 Anthems by Queer and Two-Spirit Indigenous Artists to Pump You Up

Music is powerful medicine – especially when it’s coming from people who...

Humor is Sexy (Sometimes)

There are many qualities that can make someone sexy or attractive. Physical...

Puberty and Finding Out Who You Are

Real Talk About Getting What You Need From Your Boo

In a healthy relationship, we should be appreciated, listened to, and have...

Level Up Your Self-Love Game

We’ve all heard the phrase “love yourself.” But, what does loving yourself...

The Plants of Your Place

Environmental Change and Our Mental Health

As Indigenous people, we know that connecting to our land is connecting...

When and How to Quit a Job

If you have a job, you’ve probably dreaded going in at least...

Culture is Prevention

Types of Abortion

Abortion is a safe and effective medical procedure that ends a pregnancy.  ...

Tips for Forming Deeper Relationships

Relationships, whether they are romantic or platonic, impact our daily lives.  This...

Culture is Prevention – Sarah

What I Love About My Body

When I was a teenager there was little to no information about...

Who is Deer Woman from Reservation Dogs?

In “Come and Get Your Love” (Season 1, Episode 5) of the...

BRAVE: Episode 7

Staying Balanced in College

Keeping a healthy balance between life, school, and work is what everyone...

Talking to Your Partner About Protection

The thought of talking to a partner about sex makes a lot...

BRAVE: Episode 6

Abstinence

Abstinence means not having sex (that means NO vaginal, oral, or anal...

Condoms 101

If you are having sex, condoms are the only method that provides...

BRAVE: Episode 5

Emergency Contraception: The Morning After Pill

Emergency contraception is a special type of oral contraceptive that can be...

Dual Method

Many people, who have vagina-penis sex, use dual protection. Dual protection means:...

Brave: Episode 4

The Shot – Depo

The Shot, or Depo- Provera®, contains a large dose of a progestin...

Pill, Patch or Ring

What is it and how does it work to prevent pregnancy? Hormones...

BRAVE: Episode 3

Sponge

The Sponge is a soft plastic (polyurethane) sponge that is worn in...

Fertility Awareness: Rhythm Method

How does it work to prevent pregnancy? A woman identifies the days...

BRAVE: Episode 2

Sterilization

For women sterilization includes a surgical procedure that permanently blocks her fallopian...

6 Tips for Applying for Scholarships

Applying to scholarships for college, graduate school, or even summer programs can...

BRAVE: Episode 1

How Dancing can Teach you to Love your Body

When it comes to our bodies, dancing can provide confidence and a...

Using Culture to Cope with COVID

COVID has brought more than just physical illness to our communities. It’s...

Sunhawk / Managing Stress

Weird (but normal) Body Facts

Our bodies are amazing and house many secrets! Are you curious to...

6 Questions to Help You Find the Right Birth Control for You

Are you curious about what birth control options are out there? Here...

Olivia / Keeping It All Inside

How to Navigate Health Insurance

Medical visits and procedures, like x-rays, can be expensive. That is why...

PSA This Relationship Advice is Actually Genius

Relationships – whether they are with our family members, friends, or significant...

Nadira / Reaching Out for Help at College

How to Stay Safe on Social Media

Like many things in life, social media can be used for good...

How to Pick the Right College For You

Deciding to go to college is a big decision and one that...

Maiya / Dealing with Anxiety Attacks

How to Lease Your First Apartment

6 Tips for Renting Your First Apartment  On the lookout for your...

Connecting to Our Land is Connecting to Our Culture

Our relationship with the land is a huge part of our culture...

Kennedy / Seeing Kindness

How to Expand Your Networks

Have you ever heard the saying, “It doesn’t matter what you know,...

Native Women Just Can’t Anymore

Sex can be fun and empowering. However, some of us – especially...

Kaytlynn / Combatting Stressors

What’s PrEP

PrEP makes preventing HIV easy. But, what is PrEP, and who is...

How to Make Peace With Your Body

Just like plants need sunshine, nutrients, water, and connection to other beings...

Jowun / Self-Care For Me

Shutting Down Slut Shamers

Enjoying sex or openly expressing your sexuality doesn’t make you a “slut.”...

What you Need to know about your Vagina and Vulva

Have you ever looked at your body and wondered, “Is this normal?”...

Isis / School Stressors

Access to Abortion

The overturning of Roe v. Wade has caused concern about safe access...

How to Use the Pill

The birth control pill (“the pill”) is simple to use and can...

Aurora / Connection

Getting Tested for HIV

If you’re thinking about getting tested for HIV, it’s normal to have...

Here’s What You Should Know About Body Sovereignty

You may have heard that Tribal Nations have sovereignty. This means that...

Ashley / Self-Care Looks Different For Everyone

Why is fentanyl dangerous?

Everyone is talking about fentanyl, and for good reason; it’s more common...

Tribal Sovereignty is Everything

Tribal sovereignty is important to who we are as Indigenous people, but...

#Indigilove Recap Video

An Advocate Within

Advice from a Confederated Tribes of Warm Springs Member Working in Congress...

The Land & Ancestral Wellness Wisdom

Much of our knowledge as Indigenous people comes from the land: our...

Siletz DVPI PSA

Be The Change: Tips for Being an Advocate in Your Tribal Community

Getting involved in local politics and advocating to your tribal government is...

Self-Love Made Me Do It

When a candle is lit, the fire comes from another source- whether...

MMIWG (Murdered Missing Indigenous Women and Girls)

How do you get over the idea that you are always second or last place in everyone lives

Find Us

Follow Us

Enter Phone Number to Subscribe:

Msg & Data Rates May Apply.
Text STOP to opt out. No purchase necessary.
Expect 4 msgs/mo.Terms and Conditions

Menu